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April 2006
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Stay Alive (2006 -- PG-13)
Some horror movies have that amazing X-Factor, something that draws you in like the melody of a seductress whore. Then there is Stay Alive, a movie that leaves you wanting to do the opposite of what the film's title suggests.
Stay Alive should really change its name to Stay Awake, because there was nothing in this film worthy of drawing me in. A 5th grade beauty pageant had more character development than this so-called horror film.
Not only does this film lack any real cohesive plot, the acting is so amazingly bad, you wonder if it was intentionally done for bad effect. Any horror movie that casts Malcolm in the Middle's Frankie Muniz really should not be taken seriously, and that it seems is what Stay Alive's main mission in this conquest is. But what else do you expect from a PG-13 horror movie?
The movie opens up in pre-Katrina New Orleans. We meet Loomis Crowley (Milo Ventimiglia) who happens to be playing the video game aptly titled Stay Alive. A game he is beta testing for some company. However this unskilled gamer finds his death rather early on in the game and it subsequently leads to a rather obnoxious opening to this film. Not only is the viewer subjected to a slow-moving anti-climatic opening, they have to endure through annoyingly bad flash cuts spliced between the film that clearly loses its effect when overplayed in a matter of minutes.
Predictably, Loomis meets the same kind of grizzly fate as his character in the video game and the main premise of the plot has now taken shape. You die in the game, you die in real life, or so they say.
After the rather mundane opening, we meet the cast of characters that will accompany us along this journey into video game hell. Most notably, Loomis' best friend, Hutch (Jon Foster) who is having a difficult time trying to cope with the loss of his friend. He also has a fiery past and is the quiet, unassuming jock that the viewer is supposed to be attached to. At Loomis' funeral he meets up with Abigail (Samaire Armstrong) an attractive blonde that seems to be a bit obsessed with taking pictures. And in a not so subtle way, we find that the two have a mutual attraction for one another.
Then there's Hutch's friend Phineus (Jimmi Simpson) and his sister October (Sophia Bush). Both have a love for video games and share a closeness that rivals the one we see between Abigail and Hutch, yes it's weird. Toss in Swink (Muniz), the nerd (sad if you're the nerd of this group) and you have a group of kids with really weird names. Finally, there is Miller (Adam Goldberg) -- who's gone the Cher rout with his name -- he's Hutch's boss.
Somehow these dramatically different kids are all friends, who may or may not have met during a support group for children with odd names. Hutch, given a bag of video games by Loomis' mother at his funeral, decides to go through it. There he finds the game Stay Alive and Phineus (why do I keep picturing a rat with that name?), in his blunt unemotional way, talks everyone into playing it.
Miller dies first in the game and, like Loomis, is killed in the exact same way his character from the game died. Good enough, movie is making slow progress toward a sensible plot, give credit where credit is due. Then things start really going south.
Hutch and the gang (no, that's not some disco band) quickly realize that when you die in the game, you die in real life. So they decide that they won't play the game, but of course this is a horror movie and it never really is that easy. The game somehow starts playing them! Oh no, now they're screwed.
With little time, the group embarks on a trip to find the game developer, because they surely will have all the answers to what's going on. Except now the plot has veered from its original premise (and the nice tagline). It seems the movie has a difficult time choosing where to take the flick. Originally the audience is led to believe that if you die in the game, you die in real life, killed off by terrible CGI characters stolen right out of Japanese horror movies. Then the game starts playing itself, which inevitably leads someone down the path of death. Finally the game has no rules and kills whomever it wants, even if they don't die in the game. Bored yet? I sure was.
So the remaining survivors now must find the game's developer before the game finds them. Easy enough, except that the movie never really explains how the game was developed. Instead, we have a less than action packed climax that leaves a lot to be desired. And that's where this movie goes wrong. They try too hard for the surprise factor, which undermines the plot development. Put that with the fact there is no real emotional ties to the characters, and you've got a movie that fails to draw you in. Instead, the movie is just one, long boring ride through the bayou.
The movie ends with a surprise resurrection of a character that supposedly got it earlier in the film. Yet no explanation on how they lived, but that seems to be the typical frame of this movie; little explanation on anything. Especially pertaining to the video game and how it can kill or how a Blood Countess that died in 1614 could develop it.
The target audience for this movie is clearly the 13-17 crowd, which meant that what makes horror great (boobs and gore) were sorely lacking in this film. With such a bad plot, terrible acting and little gore, this film just couldn't cut it. Stay Alive barely kept me alive, as I nearly contemplated slitting my wrists during it. Maybe the video game will be better.
Rating:
On the web:
http://stayalive.movies.go.com/
[ posted by Psycho Zombie From Outer Space @ 12:40 PM ] [ ]