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April 2006

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   Saturday, April 08, 2006  

Slither (2006 -- R)

The intent of good, cheesy horror movies is always to entertain. From the get-go there is an understanding between the viewer and the movie creator that seriousness within the film is lacking. Sometimes this works, other times the film tries too hard at getting the laughs and playing homage to the past, that it often falls flat where it counts the most. I'm happy to say that this isn't the case with Slither and the movie does a fine job at blending humor with horror and homage with authentic plot.

Of course any movie that works in zombies with disgusting slugs and a Jabba the Hutt-like creature can't be all that bad. While there is obvious points of reference with this film's plot, there is definitely some originality here. And that's where Slither really shines above movies like Evolution, Eight Legged Freaks and other films recently done that poke fun at the B-horror genre of yesteryear.

In a prelude to the ghastly action that is to come, Slither starts with a meteor hurdling down from outer space. It crash lands in a forested area surrounding the small, southern town of Wheesly and the event goes unnoticed by the locals. Cut to the next day and the tone of the movie is set. An irate man agitatedly honks his horn at a truck blocking his way and blurts out "Move the fuck out of the way cocksucker!!", this moment is witnessed by a mother and her child, and a second later we find out that the irate man happens to be Mayor Jack MacReady (Gregg Henry). Clearly this movie is not going to be taking itself too seriously and that's pretty much settled within the first five minutes of the film.

At this time we meet Starla Grant (Elizabeth Banks), a high school teacher, who perfectly plays the role of the blond bombshell. She's married to Grant Grant (Michael Rooker), the town's rich businessman and it's made abundantly clear that she married him for security, rather than love. Then there's the Chief of Police Bill Pardy (Nathan Fillion), who has not so secretly lusted after Starla for pretty much his entire adult life. These three, including the mayor and Margaret (Jennifer Copping), the cute teen, as well as the police force, are the characters that pretty much dominate the entire film.

Outside of the main cast, the viewer is also treated to a slew of the dimwitted community that makes up this hick town. In fact the minor characters inject great humor into the film and play off the stereotypes of Dixie culture -- right down to the town's annual deer-hunting countdown. This movie has a lot of satire and it isn't afraid to roll with it.

So rolling on we find out that Grant and Starla are having intimacy problems. Probably because Grant is about as attractive as, well, the slugs that find their way throughout the town later in the film. Upset that once again his pretty wife has denied him sex, Grant ventures off to the local karaoke bar, where he gets hammered and meets up with Brenda (Brenda James). The two venture off into the wooded area around town where they stumble upon the hatched larva like creature that fell from space. Not sure of what to make of it, Grant pokes it with a stick and something shoots out of it, slicing through his stomach and into his body. Infected, Grant staggers off home.

Grant now is slowly being transformed into a squid like creature that preys on farm animals and dogs. He also has unleashed thousands of slug like creatures that enter through the mouth and take over the brain of the host body. These slug controlled zombies now roam the streets looking for meat, and no amount of meat is ever enough to curb their hunger. With the town infested by these slugs and zombies, it's up to the survivors to kill the ultimate host, a mutating Grant. The end result of his mutation is something rather shocking and grotesque, but then again, what isn't in this movie?

Slither is directed and written by James Gunn of Troma fame and you can definitely tell, as this movie mirrors many Troma films. Yet even with mirroring the slapstick, gore filled movies of Troma, it's still original and never really has the feel of a copycat. The movie lays out what it is early on and never really strays from that and that's why it works. It's filled with gore, raunchy comedy and even throws in a few scares as well. Ultimately it's B-horror at its best and one helluva ride.

Rating:

   [ posted by Psycho Zombie From Outer Space @ 4:48 PM ] [ ]

Blood Diner (1987 -- R)

Blood Diner has always been a personal favorite of mine. Mostly because I don't think anyone can make a bad movie on cannibalistic cookers who feed their victims to unsuspecting patrons. This rare movie has it all, from topless aerobics, to an array of violence and gore. This movie is the epitome of 80s cheese and definitely worth the time it takes to hunt this gem down. Especially if you're into movies that are so amazingly bad, they're good.

Blood Diner begins in the mid-1960s, where we meet brothers Michael (Rick Burks) and George (Carl Crew) Tutman. They're young boys kicking back and playing in their living room when Uncle Anwar (Drew Godderis) pays them visit. Except Anwar has just been involved in a brutal murder and the cops have quickly surrounded the house. A blistering gun fight breaks out on the Tutman lawn and Anwar is shot to death.

Fast-forward to the 1980s and brothers Michael and George aren't all there in the head. They've robbed the grave of Anwar, grabbing his penis and brain, where they've placed it into a jar and brought life back to their uncle. With him leading the way, the three devise a plan to resurrect Shitaar, the 5 million year old Egyptian goddess. To do this, they need the body parts of women from around town, so the butchering begins. The leftover body parts, and their local competition, end up becoming the most popular meal in town.

The movie ends with an orgasm of gore worthy of any splatter fest title. Which pretty much sums up this entire film, nothing but gore. There isn't much of a plot here and the acting is rather poor, but that's ok because we know from the start of the film that this movie isn't trying to take itself too seriously. And as I've learned over the years, these b-horror movies that try to take themselves seriously often fail. Zombies, cannibalism and boobs dominate this movie and make for an enjoyable 88 minutes.

Oddly enough, this movie was supposed to be the sequel to H.G. Lewis' classic "Blood Feast", however those plans were later dropped and Blood Diner was born. Instead, we're given a decent enough movie that compliments the nastiness and profound shockingness of Blood Feast without looking like a total ripoff.

Blood Diner is an enjoyable flick thats sole purpose is to entertain. Nothing about this movie should be taken genuinely and I think that's what makes it so entertaining. Graphic, appalling and just down right fun makes this a definite must see for any horror fan that loves cheesy 1980s horror.

Rating:

   [ posted by Psycho Zombie From Outer Space @ 10:38 PM ] [ ]

Stay Alive (2006 -- PG-13)

Some horror movies have that amazing X-Factor, something that draws you in like the melody of a seductress whore. Then there is Stay Alive, a movie that leaves you wanting to do the opposite of what the film's title suggests.

Stay Alive should really change its name to Stay Awake, because there was nothing in this film worthy of drawing me in. A 5th grade beauty pageant had more character development than this so-called horror film.

Not only does this film lack any real cohesive plot, the acting is so amazingly bad, you wonder if it was intentionally done for bad effect. Any horror movie that casts Malcolm in the Middle's Frankie Muniz really should not be taken seriously, and that it seems is what Stay Alive's main mission in this conquest is. But what else do you expect from a PG-13 horror movie?

The movie opens up in pre-Katrina New Orleans. We meet Loomis Crowley (Milo Ventimiglia) who happens to be playing the video game aptly titled Stay Alive. A game he is beta testing for some company. However this unskilled gamer finds his death rather early on in the game and it subsequently leads to a rather obnoxious opening to this film. Not only is the viewer subjected to a slow-moving anti-climatic opening, they have to endure through annoyingly bad flash cuts spliced between the film that clearly loses its effect when overplayed in a matter of minutes.

Predictably, Loomis meets the same kind of grizzly fate as his character in the video game and the main premise of the plot has now taken shape. You die in the game, you die in real life, or so they say.

After the rather mundane opening, we meet the cast of characters that will accompany us along this journey into video game hell. Most notably, Loomis' best friend, Hutch (Jon Foster) who is having a difficult time trying to cope with the loss of his friend. He also has a fiery past and is the quiet, unassuming jock that the viewer is supposed to be attached to. At Loomis' funeral he meets up with Abigail (Samaire Armstrong) an attractive blonde that seems to be a bit obsessed with taking pictures. And in a not so subtle way, we find that the two have a mutual attraction for one another.

Then there's Hutch's friend Phineus (Jimmi Simpson) and his sister October (Sophia Bush). Both have a love for video games and share a closeness that rivals the one we see between Abigail and Hutch, yes it's weird. Toss in Swink (Muniz), the nerd (sad if you're the nerd of this group) and you have a group of kids with really weird names. Finally, there is Miller (Adam Goldberg) -- who's gone the Cher rout with his name -- he's Hutch's boss.

Somehow these dramatically different kids are all friends, who may or may not have met during a support group for children with odd names. Hutch, given a bag of video games by Loomis' mother at his funeral, decides to go through it. There he finds the game Stay Alive and Phineus (why do I keep picturing a rat with that name?), in his blunt unemotional way, talks everyone into playing it.

Miller dies first in the game and, like Loomis, is killed in the exact same way his character from the game died. Good enough, movie is making slow progress toward a sensible plot, give credit where credit is due. Then things start really going south.

Hutch and the gang (no, that's not some disco band) quickly realize that when you die in the game, you die in real life. So they decide that they won't play the game, but of course this is a horror movie and it never really is that easy. The game somehow starts playing them! Oh no, now they're screwed.

With little time, the group embarks on a trip to find the game developer, because they surely will have all the answers to what's going on. Except now the plot has veered from its original premise (and the nice tagline). It seems the movie has a difficult time choosing where to take the flick. Originally the audience is led to believe that if you die in the game, you die in real life, killed off by terrible CGI characters stolen right out of Japanese horror movies. Then the game starts playing itself, which inevitably leads someone down the path of death. Finally the game has no rules and kills whomever it wants, even if they don't die in the game. Bored yet? I sure was.

So the remaining survivors now must find the game's developer before the game finds them. Easy enough, except that the movie never really explains how the game was developed. Instead, we have a less than action packed climax that leaves a lot to be desired. And that's where this movie goes wrong. They try too hard for the surprise factor, which undermines the plot development. Put that with the fact there is no real emotional ties to the characters, and you've got a movie that fails to draw you in. Instead, the movie is just one, long boring ride through the bayou.

The movie ends with a surprise resurrection of a character that supposedly got it earlier in the film. Yet no explanation on how they lived, but that seems to be the typical frame of this movie; little explanation on anything. Especially pertaining to the video game and how it can kill or how a Blood Countess that died in 1614 could develop it.

The target audience for this movie is clearly the 13-17 crowd, which meant that what makes horror great (boobs and gore) were sorely lacking in this film. With such a bad plot, terrible acting and little gore, this film just couldn't cut it. Stay Alive barely kept me alive, as I nearly contemplated slitting my wrists during it. Maybe the video game will be better.

Rating:



On the web:

http://stayalive.movies.go.com/

   [ posted by Psycho Zombie From Outer Space @ 12:40 PM ] [ ]